[Red Dwarf - fic] A Spinning Fan - Part 03 - WIP (discontinued)

Lister/Rimmer, PG.
One day Lister woke up in a psychiatric ward and a doctor told him it was all a dream brought on by excessive drinking.
Written June 25, 2006 by Zekkass.

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Several hours later, and Lister was ready to strangle not-Rimmer.

“Rimmer.”

“And the – what?”

“You’ve been talking for the last hour non-stop. Aren’t ye going to take a break?”

Rimmer cocked and eyebrow. Did this mean he wanted him to stop talking? “But I’m in the middle of a story! I can’t stop now…”

Lister sighed and put his head into his hands. The Cat – no, Dwayne had the right idea. Using the sheets as earplugs was a brilliant idea.

“Rimmer, you don’t have to finish the story. I know how this one ends.”

“You do? How? I’ve never told you this one before.”

“He throws a three and a two, and you throw a four and a two. Then you pick up the dice and,” Here Lister stood up and mimed picking up some dice. “Instead of jamming them up his nostrils, butting him on the nose and watching the dice blast out of his ears,” He mimed doing this to not-Rimmer, “You threw them and got a five and a two. It got you into some new country or something. I’ve heard this story before.” He only remembered the story because it led to Kryten’s discovery with the matter-paddle, but he had heard it before.

Not-Rimmer considered this for a second. “Lister, you missed an important detail – I rolled a four and a one, not a two. Your amazing information is wrong. Ha!”

Lister simply sighed and shook his head. “Just shut up for a while. You’ve been talking non-stop. Don’t you ever, ever take a break?”

“From what?”

“You still don’t get it, do you?”

“Get what?”

“Shut. Up.”

Not-Rimmer stared. Well! The impudence of this man! How dare he! His stare turned into a glare, and he turned away, sniffing haughtily. “If that’s the way you want it…”

Lister groaned. Not this. Not again. “Rimmer…”

“If you want me to ‘shut up’, then I will.”

“Look, man. You can tell me your stories later. I just want a break right now. That’s all.”

“Oh.” Rimmer turned back to him, surprised. No one had ever tolerated him like this before! “Really?”

“Yes.” Lister smiled at him slightly, and then lay down the bed. He’d try to get a nap. If he was lucky, he’d wake up on the Red Dwarf. If he wasn’t, then he’d wake up here and then have to sit through another round of Risk stories. Either way, a nap was needed.

That was when not-Kryten walked in. “Ah, Arnold. It’s time for your meds. Dr. Crane thinks that these will work.” He fished around in his pockets, and produced a white bottle. He read the label carefully. “Take these twice daily with your meals. Do you think you can handle that?”

Not-Rimmer nodded. “Of course, doctor.” He took them and glanced at the clock. “I’ll have one with dinner. Is the cafeteria clean yet?”

Lister watched them talk, and gave up on sleeping. He sat up and tried not to be too conspicuous.

“No, Arnold. The ceiling is especially difficult to reach. I expect that I’ll have to help them set up the ladders and so on.” He wrinkled his nose in disgust. “You really should try to keep Dwayne out of the cafeteria. He’s a horror in there.”

“Yes, yes. I know. I’m not his keeper, though.”

“You’re his roommate. Keep him under control or I’ll have to step in.” The seriousness of not-Kryten’s tone made Lister curious. Why would not-Rimmer be given a responsibility for a roommate? Smeg, Rimmer wasn’t very good with any responsibility. Did not-Kryten not know this?

“Of course, sir. I’ll keep him ship-shape.” Not-Rimmer did one of his triple salutes, and Lister shook his head. Some things would always be the same. He glanced over at the Ca- no, Dwayne, who was now sleeping. Did he care that not-Rimmer was his caretaker, or something? “Anything else, sir?”

“No, no. I just have to check on Dave…you’re up! Feeling better?” Lister shivered slightly. This not-Kryten was off, somehow.

“I’m fine, Kryten.”

“Are you tired? Hungry? Do you need anything?”

“I’m fine. Rimmer took me for food.” He waved a hand in not-Rimmer’s direction, and ignored the pleased smile this brought. “Now tell me this: Where are my clothes?”

“Oh, this again? You still can’t have them. Not until you are discharged from the hospital, and you are still very, very sick. You’ll need to stay here for several weeks, so you can regain your strength.”

“Smeg that. Give me my clothing. And stop calling me Dave. You don’t know me.” Lister stood up and crossed his arms, trying to look threatening. (And failing. Hospital scrubs don’t particularly look frightening.)

Not-Kryten blinked rapidly for several seconds. What was he supposed to do? Patients weren’t supposed to be hostile! “Uh, okay, Mr. Lister. I can’t give you your clothing, but if you stay here I’ll go get Dr. Holly.” He hurried out of the room.

“Good.” Lister grinned. Now he was getting somewhere! In his excitement, he missed Rimmer’s despairing look – someone else was trying to leave him. Dwayne was fine company, but Lister had actually seemed interested in what he had to say.

He looked at Lister for a long moment, then sat back down on his bunk.

Maybe there was something he could do to change Lister’s mind…

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